In this blog I've never talked about numbers, weight and calories, or rather, I never made directly.
In my life, however, the numbers have played a key role.
Or maybe it would be more correct to say that the numbers have almost completely occupied my mind during the second half of my life.
were important numbers that I saw on the clock radio when I woke up, I assumed that those calories, the number of miles walked on the run, the tiles that walked into the kitchen when I entered, had a fucking pay attention to the numbers that appeared on the scales and those of my height squared to calculate a number of other unidentified as bmi.
not easy, after years of making calculations, change the mindset.
Yesterday I went to run and, while driving my 11 km in 65 minutes, I came naturally calculate the calories I was consuming and how much I could lose weight in a month saving tot calories a day .
The mind does this, it automatically and I must be able to stop her and bring her back to the here and now, what I'm doing with my life!
In this post, though, I decided to give a little 'space at the numbers, taking them off dall'angolino of mind where I placed them (though organizations to continue their raids around the gray matter) and let them vent here .
Also because I find it really interesting how, in my life, the numbers that I wanted to achieve I have stubbornly brought the apex of misery.
Let's see ... where to start?
begin with the stature that is the one that has remained more stable ...
Height: 1.74 m
reached minimum weight: 4 9 kg
lowest BMI: 16.1
weight reached: 69 kg
highest BMI: 22.7
current weight?
I do not know exactly but it should be around 61 and then bmi will be approximately 20.01
(I admit, I want to delete is already being the post, but there is a purpose!)
I'd like to document all the way with pictures but I have always been very elusive, and so there are few photos I have available (and the weight decreased , I agreed to take less photos! Again, this is very interesting ..)
start with a picture to the heavyweights ..
was a dinner with some 'friends (carnival 2004), I was distributing the potato gateau (which is a dish that I love to cook =)), wrist The elegant left-wing to cover the cuts ...
me hano taken before dinner while the kitchen and a friend of mine put the mozzarella on pizza. I think it is tragicomic: funny to see but sad when I think of who knows what thoughts passed through my mind ...
Of the minimum weights I have not found any photos, all photos of that time, I have done to others, never appear!
But I found one year before coming to 49.
was the summer of 2007 I was recently married and I was in Sicily with the hubby:
Here I was about 57 kg.
The summer after I got to weigh 8 less.
Even though I do not understand how I could weigh so little. Without any photos to prove it are forced to oscillate between the facts of reality (the weight and the clothes I used to put tiny) and the memory of my perceptions that they were telling me that I was horribly fat and unworthy.
much fat and unworthy to deserve this:
(The following photos are a bit 'strong)
They just go back to the summer of 2008
cuts.
gash in my body to try to leave out what the numbers wanted silence.
Why the numbers do not erase the pain, the numbers can not fill the gap, to stem the fear.
numbers crammed into the head feed the obsession with darkness!
Only life can bring the light and, through love, make sense pain to fill the gap and sweep away the fear.
And the scars remain, but the wounds heal. Always.
These are today's 9 August 2010 . (The scratch that you see me in the middle of the arm were made yesterday, by mistake! ^ ^).
Before I looked in the mirror and saw I started with the mental on my belly, my thighs and my butt. This automatism have not yet managed to dismantle it. But now is different loooong!
Now I do not suffer beyond belief while I look, I can not breathe. I do not need to cry and scream, to slap with violence, to cut my arms.
Now even if I complain, I can get up and do this:
=) (This is in direct)
But especially now I have my life back! I have the reins and I discovered that, in fact, it's always been like that! I just do not know. Or maybe it was just more convenient to think of being at the mercy of a monster.
Monsters exist, but we are always able to deal with them.
And we can be happy now, now! Without makeup and without masks.
(Now)
I greet you with a brief history.
A young man dreamed of entering a large store.
to be made from behind the counter there was an angel.
"What do you sell here?" Asked the young man.
" All you want ," kindly replied the angel.
The young man began to list " I would like to end all wars in the world,
justice for the exploited, tolerance and generosity, more love in families,
more work, more community e. .. e.. .. "
Angel interrupted him: " I'm sorry, sir. You misunderstood me.
We do not sell fruit, we only sell seeds .
Your soul is which are sown in a garden businesses and larger values.
let them grow?
Love, Kiara
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